This week I spoke with demons, my own demons, the voices in my head that are inherently a part of who I am but counteractive to who I aspire to be. It was mildly intense. It has been a while since I so intimately quarreled with this part of myself. On the outside I probably looked distracted or zoned out. On the inside I was grappling in a heated argument with the demons trying to tear me down. As I began to succumb to the negativity swelling inside me and wanted to quit something inside of me spoke up in rebellion. I asked it what it wanted of me and it replied, persevere.
I can’t quite decide if I want to say I’m drifting through the days, or grinding through them. Training is what it is, its going well, I probably average 85 miles a week these days all done in singles, with three workouts, two strength sessions, and a long run each week. I’ve also been working a few extra hours a week since they seem to fit and it is certainly nice to live and eat so comfortably these days. I have no reason to complain about anything, yet life is still kind of meh…
I have been having a profound struggle with motivation over the past little while. It’s hard to describe what’s been going on because it seems like life is a whirlwind of chaos that I have no control over right now. I really don’t want to write about it because I made a promise not to spread my negativity over this blog into the lives of others but life isn’t going to be a collection of happy go lucky posts every week and while I am not happy with my struggles as of late I am dealing with them and I can see that overcoming these issues will lead to better days.
I recently had to speak at a Runner’s Brunch with a few other speakers about my past year and the process of making my “Breakthrough.” Having to look back is always a fun and interesting experience but with this particular experience I was forced to be super critical and succinct in summing up the absolute core of how I made my breakthrough, what exactly was it that made the difference, why exactly did it happen.
This blog counts for the last three weeks of training because basically they are all just a massive collection of miles that have blurred together for me. My main objective since recovering from the car crash has been to get my fitness back under me so that I can tackle my workouts with a fully capable body and we can get back to the all important point in training where all the true obstacles I need to overcome are in my head.