We are now several weeks into this whole be professional and prideful about your running, sort of mentality and things are good. Its been a interesting transition from my ‘scrappy fuck it just run’ sort of attitude that has been successful into this new ‘damn right I’m good at what I do and I plan to be better’ new sort of professional pride I am taking in my work, which is also tide to some cool developments in my life that are happening behind the scenes.
The past few weeks have been perfect. Well….training wise. I have somehow found this new spark to ignite my training to a new level and I feel I have been taking full advantage. I have done literally everything I can to do everything right in preparation for my first race of the season. Obviously the idea is took create habits which will last for long term benefits, but the past few weeks have been a trial run of sorts to see if taking things like nutrition, nutrition timing, sleep and physical maintenance to the next level of commitment will yield results positive enough to withstand my Occam’s razor style cost benefit evaluation.
Its quite interesting how much power and control you have over your own situation in life. Sometimes things like our own happiness and well being seem to be so far out of our control that we simply accept that fate is in the drivers seat and we can only try to make the best of the ride from the backseat. We can make decisions, and we actively try to make good decisions on options that will better our life, but these choices often seem so small and insignificant we still accept that our fate in life is totally out of our hands. Rarely can we see that these small choices accumulate to determine what our situation in life is like. Rarely do we try to intentionally string together a collections of decisions that aim towards the type of life we want for ourselves. Rarely do we engage in the relentless pursuit of making our lives better.
I’m at the point right now with my training where I am healthy and fit but the real goal is to use this state to put in the necessary work in order to get myself where I want to be. My workouts are going just fine, my times are OK and reasonable to where one would expect my fitness to be given my injury time off, but when I go home at night and honestly review the effort I put forth on this day I am a little troubled. Maybe troubled isn’t the right word, frustrated? I’m not sure. But what I feel is that I’m not being tough enough, mentally tough, with my efforts and its definitely something I seek to improve on.
If you asked me to I could name out to you every training partner I’ve ever lost, every last single one of them. Each soul who has been left behind along the way has meant something to me and if I had my wish those miles we had run together would just keep continuing on forever. I hate to see a soul go, whether it be by giving up, being forced out or simply moving on it is just the worst feeling to realize one day that they’re not at practice and they never again will be. And worst of all that it is not in any way your choice to make.