My journey to build stability within myself has begun, it is more than just consistency and building up my training, it is a process of building a networked life of good things and stable people to both protect me against rough times and help guide me in my chase towards these crazy dreams.
I am apparently the owner of a broken heart. I haven’t been dumped and it has nothing to do with a girl but something I was a part of is turning out to not be what I once believed it to be and I feel confused and devastated by it. Nothing actually changed to make it this way I have just become aware of things I wish I hadn’t, so now that I know there is nothing I can do to forget it but my challenge now is to adapt and act accordingly to be stable enough within myself to handle the shifting world around me.
This week I received some affirmation that I am indeed still on the right path. It is sort of ridiculous that once again for the one-millionth time in my journey here I need to be reminded that I am still going in the right direction. It has become apparent that is something that will never go away and I will always need. I should know that my path it right because of the thought I put into the choice but I am a man of repetitive mistakes and misdirection’s and sometimes the path I thought to be right wasn’t and I found myself sprinting away in the wrong direction, much like last year was. But I do seem to catch myself going astray eventually so even thought I am not sprinting in the right direction just yet, at least I have begun to walk the right way.
Non runner journal entry #1. I’ve often misused or failed to use my downtime properly and to the fullest extent that I believe it should be to rest and recover the body, mind and soul. I often sit around at home and just slob and blob around like a fool and justify it with some lame half assed idea of what time off should entail, nothing. But not this time! Because fuck that nonsense.